Destroying Right Relationship

Relationships are fragile. It doesn’t take much to damage a relationship.  An “innocent” word of gossip.  An untimely “joke” (Prov. 26:18).  Making a false accusation.  Telling a little “white” lie.  Falsely criticizing or placing blame on others.  Showing favoritism.  Acting selfishly, prideful, or arrogant.  Being rude or unthoughtful.  Being jealous over a friendship.  In varying degree, every interaction we have with others has the potential to build the relationship or damage the relationship.  In contrast to αγαπη love, which promotes right relationship, there are an infinite number of things we can do to damage right relationship.  Take King David for example . . .

READ:  2 Samuel 11-12 (11:1-9, 11:14-17, 11:26-12:7, 12:10-14)

It’s obvious from this story that relational sin DESTROYS a right relationship with GOD and with OTHERS!  David committed sin by breaking several of God’s Ten Rules of right relationship.  David broke the 10th rule first, “you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife” (Deut. 5:21).  David broke the 7th rule next, “you should not commit adultery” (Deut. 5:18).  David went on to break the 9th commandment, “you should not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Deut. 5:20) and the 6th commandment, “you should not murder” (Deut. 5:17).  It is no surprise that what David did “displeased the Lord”, was “evil” in His sight, and “utterly scorned” Him (2 Sam. 11:27, 12:9, 14).  Relational sin is serious and we must take to heart what happens when we commit relational sin.  What do we learn about relational sin from King David?

Relational sin starts SMALL (2 Sam. 11:1-3) – David makes some small and seemingly innocent mistakes early on in this story . . . 1)  David “remained” in Jerusalem during a “time when kings go out to battle”, 2) His eyes “saw” Bathsheba, and 3) He “inquired” about Bathsheba. Small decisions that fed a growing temptation to which he ultimately gave in.  James 1:14-15 says, “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”  We all have the potential within us to commit awful relational sin!  Our best defense against major relational sin is living with integrity and character in the smaller, seemingly less important areas of our lives.

Relational sin has a wide-spreading negative IMPACT (2 Sam. 11:3, 6-26) – David’s sin involved more than just him and Bathsheba.  David’s sin involved “Eliam”, Bathsheba’s father, “Uriah”, Bathsheba’s husband, and “Joab”, David’s military commander.  These individuals experienced sadness, deception, and even death as a result of David’s relational sin.  When we sin, it’s easy to minimize it and think we are not hurting anyone else, but in reality, all relational sin inadvertently includes a significant number of other relationships whether we realize it or not.

Relational sin can be FORGIVEN (2 Samuel 12:13) – When David is confronted by Nathan with His sin he says, “I have sinned against the Lord”.  David recognized that His primary offense was against God!  As a result of David’s confession his sins were “put away”.  Amazingly, God forgives relational sin when we are repentant.  1 John 1:9 says, “if we confess our sins, (God) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”.  Confessing our relational sin to God and against God is the first step in restoring right relationship with God and with others.

Relational sin has serious ongoing CONSEQUENCES (2 Samuel 12:10-12, 14) – Although David was repentant, confessed His sin, and was forgiven, God did not remove the future consequences of His sin.  God raised up “evil” against David from within his own house, his wives would be publically taken from him, and the child he bore with Bathsheba would “die”.  The consequences of David’s sin would go with him the rest of his life, bringing intense sadness and hardship. Relational sin can be forgiven, but the after-effects will go with us the rest of our lives.

CONCLUSION
In spite of David’s sin, God considered him a “man after (His) heart” (Acts 13:22).  Being a man or woman after God’s own heart does not require relational perfection or sinlessness.  In fact, it appears that we can make some pretty big mistakes.  But, it definitely means that when we do sin in relationship we humble ourselves and admit to God we have sinned and go through the process of making it right.  Are you a man or woman after God’s own heart?

The Golden Rule of Right Relationship

There are some people who are just really hard to love . . . and for good reason!  During my years as a counselor at East Iowa Bible Camp, there were a handful of campers who were hard to love.  One particular camper made it his mission to see me get angry by trying to throw a bucket of water on me every opportunity he got.  He would hop out from hiding behind a building and try to soak me, but since he had pre-warned me that he was going to do this, I was alert and he was never able to accomplish this cruel mission (this made him even more upset).  Although he made every effort get me to respond with anger by his intentional mistreatment of me, I continued to try and demonstrate love toward him in my words and actions.  When others mistreat us, it is hard, if not impossible, to love them in return.  And yet, that is the required response if we want to be in right relationship!

READ:  Luke 6:27-36

DOING to others what we wish they would DO to us is how we put God’s one rule of love into PRACTICE!  What we refer to as The Golden Rule in verse 31 is Jesus’ re-statement of the Old Testament Royal Law found in Leviticus 19:18 to, “love your neighbor as yourself”.  In a parallel text in Mt. 7:12 Jesus equates the golden rule with loving your neighbor by saying, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”  The Golden Rule is Jesus' new definition of how we are to demonstrate love.  In as much as we apply this ONE GOLDEN RULE in our interaction with others we will be fulfilling ALL of God's relational rules!  How do we put the Golden Rule into practice in relationships?

Put love into practice by returning KINDNESS for EVIL (Lk. 6:27-30) – In verses 27-30 there are six imperatives, or six things that Jesus said we MUST do for those who have mistreated us in some way (love, do good, bless, pray, offer, give, do not demand).  I do not intend to define each and every one of these imperatives, but I believe Paul summarizes Jesus’ teaching in Romans 12:21 by saying, “do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”  When we are hated, cursed at, abused, used, and mistreated we are going to want to return the favor.  It is in these circumstances that we need to put the GOLDEN RULE into practice.  No matter what type of evil or mistreatment has been done to us, we must respond by doing to them what we wish they would do to us!

Put love into practice by doing MORE than EXPECTED (Lk. 6:32-34) – In verses 32-34 Jesus is saying that demonstrating love is not doing the minimum of what is required.  By doing the minimum we are not being any different than the rest of the world.  Even sinners have the ability to reciprocate love.  When we have been unloved, no good has been done to us, and have lended and not received anything in return we are going to want to withhold our love.  It is in these circumstances that we need to put the GOLDEN RULE into practice.  No matter whether others deserve it, we must respond by doing to them what we wish they would do to us!

Put love into practice by expecting to get NOTHING in RETURN (Lk. 6:34-35) – In verses 34-35 Jesus is saying that our demonstrations of love are NOT impressive when we gain back as much as we gave away.  When we offer a favor, lend money, or do a good deed to another we will naturally want to be acknowledged or be repaid.  It is in these circumstances that we need to put the GOLDEN RULE into practice.  No matter how unfair it may seem, we must respond by doing to them what we wish they would do to us!

CONCLUSION
According to verse 35, God shows us how to put the Golden Rule into practice by being “kind to the ungrateful and the evil”.  In verse 36, Jesus summarizes the Golden rule into a two word command “BE MERCIFUL”.  Ultimately, doing to others what we wish they would do to us is a god-like act of kindness and mercy!  By treating others with kindness and mercy they get to taste God’s merciful love toward us.  What relationship in your life do you need to put God’s one rule of love into practice?

The Ultimate Expression of Right Relationship

Our student ministry takes several overnight trips throughout the year.  Before we depart I gather everyone into a circle where I give my initial ONE RULE for the trip . . . respect and obey the adult leaders going on the trip!  In my small mind this ONE RULE requires the students to obey all the “other” rules that we as adults will make up all along the rest of the way.  Not confusing, not hard to remember, simply DO EVERYTHING the adult leaders ask.  Wouldn’t it be nice if in order to be FULLY obedient to God there was just . . . ONE RULE!?!

READ: Leviticus 19:18

God’s ONE RULE of right relationship is LOVE!  Although the Old Testament law is made up of hundreds of relational, social, and civil laws (including the 10 commandments) in order that we might know how to be in right relationship with God and others, Jewish scholars believed Leviticus 19:18 summarized all the laws in the Old Testament.  The New Testament quotes or alludes to Leviticus 19:18 several times in order to explain that through the action of LOVE we fulfill (obey) the entire Law and Prophets.  For example, Romans 13:8-10 says, “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law (cf Gal. 5:14; Jms. 2:8)”.

Jesus agreed that the single most important relational rule is LOVE.  In Matthew 22:36-40 Jesus was asked what the greatest rule in the Old Testament law was and He replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets”  God’s one rule, the ultimate expression of right relationship is . . . LOVE!  This one rule, if obeyed, allows us to simultaneously obey all other rules God has revealed to us.  What is αγαπη love?  Aγαπη love has 4 important characteristics . . .

Aγαπη love is SELFLESS and SACRIFICIAL – Loving requires putting others’ interests, wants, and desires above our own (Phil. 2:3-4).  Love is willing to serve by placing high value and worth on others.  How can I put the other person’s interests above my own in this relationship?

Aγαπη love is an ACTION or DEED that meets a NEED – Loving recognizes and responds to the needs of others (Luke 10:25-37; 1 John 3:17-18).  Love is willing to be merciful and compassionate toward others.  What are the greatest needs of the other person in this relationship?

Aγαπη love is for the GOOD or BENEFIT of others – Loving results in others’ experiencing good, blessing, benefit, or pleasure.  Love is willing to benevolent and charitable toward others (Gal. 6:9; 1 Thes. 5:15).  What can I say or do in this relationship that will bring the other person joy or blessing?

Aγαπη love is a Spirit-led DECISION – Loving is a spiritually rational choice (1 John 4:19).  Love is not based on feeling or preference but a decision of the will to treat others in the way God treats us.  How does God’s love for me help me to choose to love in this relationship?

CONCLUSION
1 Corinthians 13:8 says that “LOVE NEVER FAILS”!  Love is failproof in relationships.  You can’t go wrong if you love in relationships.  Love will always, 100% of the time, be the right thing to do in relationship.  Right relationship with others is dependent upon how willing we are to be loving toward them!  Don’t forget, αγαπη love is the way God relates us!  Are you ready to relate with others according to God’s one “never failing” rule of love?