Forgive One Another

If we are in a car accident, we do not want to hear that our car has been totaled.  If a car is totaled it means that the cost of the repairs exceeds the value of the car.  A totaled car is no longer worth investing time or money, and therefore goes unrepaired, and is abandoned in a junkyard.  Sometimes we determine that a relationship has been totaled.  Someone lies to us and we feel like we can no longer trust them.  Someone is inconsiderate or ignores us enough times and we feel angry and bitter.  Someone is rude, cruel, or makes fun of us and we feel hatred toward them.  When someone offends, wrongs, or sins against us, we quickly develop an attitude of, “you owe me!”  The damage done to the relationship is costly and they are indebted to us.  When the hurt is so deep and the offense so great that they couldn’t pay us back if they tried, we consider the relationship totaled and the effort to repair it is beyond what it is worth!  Is there any hope for a relationship that has been totaled?

READ:  Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13

God has given us a relational “tool” to repair a totaled relationship, Godly Relational Characteristic #9: FORGIVE one another!  The greek word χαιρω, where we get the word “forgive” has a few other distinct meanings including “joy” (χαρα) and “grace” (χαρις). A primitive definition of forgiveness could be “to restore joy through grace”.  Forgiving one another in the context of Eph. 4:32 and Col. 3:13 means to, “bring joy by RELEASING another from the CONSEQUENCE of their offense”.  Forgiveness is the powerful relational tool that God has given us to use to repair “totaled” relationships!  Many of us never use this tool because it seems unfair, but if we can’t offer forgiveness to others, God will not offer it to us (Mt. 18:23-25; Lk. 6:37).

READ:  Luke 7:36-50

Forgiveness is offered FREELY by the one to whom a debt is owed (Lk. 7:41) – The moneylender in Jesus’ parable, rather than hold the debt above their head, chose to cancel the “debt of both” without expectation of any repayment since neither of them were able to pay.  Forgiveness is a gift of grace given by of the one who has been offended.  Forgiveness is not given because the debtor deserves it or has earned it, but a choice which communicates that love and joy in relationship are more important than being repaid a debt we are owed.

Forgiveness is CANCELLING a DEBT that cannot be REPAID (Lk. 7:42) – A denari was worth a little less than 2 days wages.  Therefore, 500 denarii was worth about 20 month’s wages and 50 denarii was worth about 2 months wages. In both cases, for whatever reason, the debtors were not able to repay what was owed.  Forgiveness needs to be extended to others in relationship whether the debt is great or small.  Therefore, forgiveness is not only a tool to repair relationships that have been totaled but to maintain relationships as well!

Forgiveness restores the joy of receiving and giving LOVE in a relationship (Lk. 7:44-46) – The sinful woman’s expression of love is an outpouring of gratitude as a result of her debt of sin being cancelled.  The debt of her sin locked her in a prison of guilt and shame, but once forgiven she was free to give and receive love in relationship with God again.  Others will sin against us, but we must not imprison them with unforgiveness.  By forgiving, we set others, and ourselves, free to express love and share joy in relationship once again.

CONCLUSION
We are all debtors to God with a bill we cannot pay.  Our unpaid debt of sin is deserving of God locking us in jail and throwing away the key for eternity.  The good news in Colossians 2:13 is that, “(we), who were dead in our trespasses . . ., God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross”.  Amazingly, God did MORE than cancel our debt and allow it to go unpaid, He paid the debt Himself by dying on the cross for our sin.  THIS is our example of how we are to forgive others, “as God in Christ forgave you”.  God willingly offers to bring joy back to our relationship with Him through Jesus Christ.

Bear With One Another

Have you ever noticed that some people are really hard to put up with?  There are an infinite number of things that we have to put up with in relationship with others . . . procrastination, negativity, overly optimistic, lateness, arrogance, self-centeredness, cockiness, talk too much, talk too little, workaholic, laziness, emotional, unemotional, temperamental, irresponsible, rude, mean, sarcastic, fake, grumpy, liar, cheater, dominant, tattle-tale, inflexible, different, etc.  There are times when these bad habits/attitudes, character flaws, and shortcomings in others drive us crazy!  Other people can be really hard to put up with.  But wait, did you notice any of those characteristics in yourself?  I am sure that you were already aware that YOU are really hard to put up with sometimes.  Being in relationship with others often involves putting up with others who do things differently, have a different personality, or have different opinions than we do.

READ:  Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13

Putting up with someone else and being put up with by others is living out Godly Relational Characteristic #8: BEAR with one another!  Bearing with one another in Eph. 4:2 and Col. 3:13 means to, “TOLERATE another through FRUSTRATION or OFFENSE”.  The greek word ανεχω, where we get the word “bear with” has a two primary meanings.  First, “bearing with” means to “hold up” or to “carry the weight of something”.  Therefore, in the context of relationship it means to be ready and willing to, “carry a load of relationship in our arms”.  A second meaning for “bearing with” is to, “hold back” or to “restrain”.  Again, in the context of relationship it means to, “prevent or withhold something”.  Not surprisingly, both of the ideas of “holding up” and “holding back” in relationship can be seen in God’s relationship with us.

READ:  Matthew 17:14-21

Bearing with others is ENDURING through DISCOURAGEMENT and DISAPPOINTMENT –Jesus verbalizes frustration with His disciples’ inability to heal a demon possessed epileptic because of their “little faith”.  After much time spent, teaching, and training, Jesus’ disciples were still not able to do this simple spiritual act of ministry.  In spite of Jesus’ frustration, He does not give up on His disciples, but rather “holds up” the relationship by performing the miracle Himself and reminding them of the faith required to heal. Relationships are filled with frustration.  These frustrating moments with others will cause us to want give up on them and quit.  But instead, in these moments, we are called to “hold up” and “carry” the relationship by enduring through the flaws and shortcomings of others.  Be strong, flex your God-given relational muscles, and don’t let the weight of discouragement and disappointment prevent you from carrying on!

READ:  Romans 2:1-4, 3:23-25

Bearing with others is RESTRAINING ourselves from JUDGMENT – God has restrained Himself from executing the judgment we deserve for the sin and wickedness that is in our lives.  In his “divine forbearance” He withholds the just punishment (death) we deserve for our sin.  If God did not restrain Himself, we would be eternally separated from relationship with Him.  In relationship, there will be those who offend and sin against us.  These moments of offense will cause us to want to render a guilty verdict in their life and condemn them to a relational “death penalty” which often means revenge, holding a grudge, or being bitter.  Instead, in these moments, we are called to “hold back” and “restrain” ourselves by withholding fair punishment or judgment.  Only God is in the position to judge others, we are to be slow to pass judgment when other sin against us!

CONCLUSION
Are you grateful that God is willing to put up with you?  It is God’s divine “putting up with” us that upholds, maintains, and sustains our ability to be (and stay) in relationship with Him!  If we’re grateful that God is willing to bear with us, maybe we should be more willing to bear with others in our lives!

Serve One Another

Carrying someone’s groceries. Preparing someone else’s meal.  Working to buy someone else’s things.  Watching someone else’s children.  Cleaning up someone else’s mess.  Washing someone else’s dishes.  Doing someone else’s laundry.  Picking up someone else’s toys.  Mowing someone else’s lawn.  Raking someone else’s leaves.  Helping with someone else’s homework.  Washing someone else’s car.  Shoveling someone else’s snow.  All of us have tasks that we are responsible for.  Most of us are willing to do the tasks we are responsible for, but very rarely are we willing to do someone else’s responsibilities.  When we get asked to do something for someone else our first attitude is probably something like, “why do I have to do that?”, “that’s not my responsibility?”, or “why don’t they do that for themselves?”  Sound familiar?

What many of us don’t realize is that by performing these tasks we are living out Godly Relational Characteristic #7: SERVE one another!  A servant is someone who, “does the work OF or FOR another”.  A servant is someone who does the jobs that others do not want to do.  A servant is someone who performs tasks at the request of another.  No one wants to be a servant.  Servanthood is not something that most of us wake up in the morning and look forward to doing.  And yet, servanthood is a godly relational quality that is prescribed by God for us to live out among others in our lives. What does it mean to serve others?  We are going to look at two passages of Scripture that help us understand what it means to be a servant . . .

READ:  Galatians 5:1, 13-15

Servanthood is ENSLAVING ourselves to LOVING others (Gal. 5:13) – A slave has no rights.  A slave does not make their own choices.  A slave is obligated to do their master’s will.  In the context of Paul explaining that a believer in Christ is free from the law and is not to, “submit again to a yoke of slavery” he tells the Galatians to use their new found freedom for the purpose of slavery.  What?  Where does he say that?  The word translated “serve” in Gal. 5:13 comes from the greek word δουλος, used in Gal. 5:1, which means “slave”.  Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Galatians were to use their freedom in Christ to “serve (enslave themselves to) one another” through love.  We who are free in Christ serve others by willingly enslaving ourselves to love them.  Ironically, through this paradox of being set free from the law and by serving others with love the, “whole law is fulfilled” (Lev. 19:18; Mt. 22:36-40; Lk. 6:27-36; Rom. 13:8-10; Jms. 2:8).  Choosing to enslave ourselves to the unconditional love of others is only possible for those who have experienced being set free from the law, sin and death by faith in Jesus Christ!

READ:  1 Peter 4:7-11

Servanthood is using our God given GIFTS for the BLESSING and BENEFIT of others (1 Pet. 4:10) – Whether we realize it or not, we all have spiritual gifts, talents, and abilities given to us by God (Rom. 12:5-8; 1 Cor. 12:4-11).  These gifts are not to be used selfishly to benefit ourselves, but to “serve one another”.  The word translated “serve” here comes from the greek word “διακονος” which means to, “serve”, “help”, or “attend to the needs of others”.  This same word is used to describe the role of deacon in a local church (1 Tim. 3:8-13).  Whatever gift we have, whether speaking, serving, teaching, exhortation, contributing, leading, mercy, etc, we are to use it to bless others and benefit them that God may be glorified!  When it comes right down to it, our lives are to be used for the purpose of blessing and benefiting others.

CONCLUSION
In helping His disciples understand what it means to be great, Jesus said in Matthew 20:26-28, “whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”  According to Jesus’ words and example, greatness is achieved through servanthood.  We can choose greatness by enslaving ourselves to love and by using our gifts to bless and for the benefit of others . . . just like Jesus did!