Right Relationship is a Permanent Commitment to Faithfulness

There are an infinite number of opinions about the purpose and value of dating.  It’s just fun . . . to have a good time.  It’s necessary . . . to figure out who we are compatible with.  It’s “practice” . . . to see if we can make each other happy.  We can say whatever we want, but dating ultimately has one purpose . . . it’s a time when we spend exclusive time with someone to explore the possibility of getting married.  It’s serious, it’s exclusive, and commonly includes increased physical intimacy (sitting close, holding hands, kissing, etc)!  Who are we kidding!?!  Dating is a deep investigative relationship moving toward marriage.  Dating is not bad, there is an appropriate time to begin expressing our interest in someone and displaying our ability to love and care for them.

READ: Genesis 2:24-25

Marital companionship is a PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP established by GOD between one MAN and one WOMAN!  There are 3 distinct opposite gender relationship zones, the friend “zone”, the dating “zone”, and the marriage “zone”.  These are 3 very distinct zones which reveal an obvious progression.  We move out of the friend zone into the dating zone by asking (or being asked) the question, “would you go out with me?”  We move out of the dating zone into the marriage zone by asking (or being asked) the question, “would you marry me”?  By God’s design, our interest in the opposite gender leads to movement through the zones toward marriage.  In Matthew 19:3-6 Jesus answered a question about divorce saying, “He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become on flesh?’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together; let not man separate.”  The phrase “joined together” literally means to “yoke with”.  A yoke is an instrument placed the shoulders of two animals in order to unite and coordinate their work together.  God is the one who places this yoke on marital companions and sexual immorality is the only reason we ever have permission to remove it.  How do we know when we are ready to date/be married?

Marital companionship involves LEAVING our PARENTS (Gen. 2:24) – Some of us may stand up, cheer, and say, “all right, sign me up, I’m ready NOW!”  Slow down, not so fast.  Leaving parents is not about getting out from under their authority.  It’s about abandoning our 1) dependency on our parents and 2) our allegiance to them. Leaving parents means no longer needing to rely on them for anything and being prepared to provide for one another.  Marriage Prep Question #1:  Am I mature enough to live 100% INDEPENDENT of my parent’s SPIRITUAL, RELATIONAL, EMOTIONAL, and FINANCIAL support?  God put parents in our lives to prepare us for the day when we would live independent of them.  Our readiness to date and be married is dependent on whether God is done using our parents to instill in us all the wisdom we need for life.  The more we honor and obey our parents the sooner we’ll be ready to date and be married (Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16, Eph. 6:1-3).

Marital companionship involves HOLDING FAST to a SPOUSE (Gen. 2:24) – What “The Lego Movie” villain Lord Business called “Kragle”, God calls “holding fast”.  What Lord Business used to try to get people to permanently quit “messing with his stuff”, God uses to permanently bond marital companions together.  The word “hold fast” means to “cling” or “stick” to another.  Marriage is relationship cemented together by God.  Marriage Prep Question #2: Am I mature enough to commit to SELFLESSLY and SACRIFICIALLY care for all the NEEDS of another person no matter what?  Holding fast is an unconditional commitment to love another person no matter what.  Our ability to unconditionally love others and stick with them is a good test of whether we are ready to date and be married (Mk. 12:31).

Marital companionship involves becoming ONE FLESH with a SPOUSE (Gen. 2:24) – God is either a bad mathematician or He knows something that we don’t know.  According to God 1+1=1.  Just like God Himself (1+1+1=1), marriage is a mathematical mystery.  A married man and women experience unity and oneness like no other relationship.  Marriage Prep Question #3: Am I mature enough to remain INSEPARABLY UNITED to a spouse for the rest of my life? Before a marriage there is “he” and “she”, after a marriage there is an entirely new entity called “us”.  Our ability to live in unity and oneness with others is a good test of whether we are ready to date and be married (Rom. 12:16; Phil. 2:2).

CONCLUSION
Marriage has been beautifully designed by God!  Don’t allow your interest in the opposite gender to motivate you to just have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but rather to prepare you for a marriage that will honor God and reflect His image.  Are you spending more time worrying about who you are going to date or preparing for a lifetime of marital companionship?

Right Relationship Satisfies Our Need for Companionship

I confess, at an early age I was interested in girls.  In elementary school I was interested in girls like Sue Risdon, she was cute and good at 4-square, tetherball, and kickball.  In Jr High it was Britt Siebels, she was cute and one of the best female athletes in school.  My childhood “girlfriend” days ended in Jr High when I went to a school dance and realized that boyfriends and girlfriends actually danced together.  This was too much pressure for me and so I abandoned “girlfriends”.  My interest in girls didn’t end, I still had girls I was interested in, girls had my attention, I looked forward to having a girlfriend and being married throughout high school and college.  Why such an ingrained interest in girls?  Why, for all of us, such an innate interest in the opposite sex?

READ: Genesis 2:18-23

A WOMAN is God’s provision for a MAN’S loneliness!  Light was good (Gen. 1:4).  Earth and sea were good (Gen. 1:10).  Vegetation and plants were good (Gen. 1:12).  The sun and moon were good (Gen. 1:18).  Fish and birds were good (Gen. 1:21).  Beasts, livestock, and things that creep on the ground were good (Gen. 1:25).  Everything God created was very good (Gen. 1:31).  The pattern of goodness is broken in Genesis 2:18 when it says man being alone is “NOT GOOD”.  ALONE = state of being without COMPANIONSHIP.  Our individual loneliness is what sparks our interest in relationship.  It is our inherent loneliness that causes our interest in a guy or in a girl.  Nobody teaches us, “this is a girl and you should be interested in one.”  We are made alone, causing a magnetism toward the opposite gender.  What is God’s solution for man’s loneliness?

GOD PROVIDES for our loneliness (Gen. 2:18) – Because God is relational, He knew that without a companion, man would experience loneliness and that loneliness was not good, so HE provided the perfect companion saying, “I will make him a helper”!  Man did not go find a companion for himself, God “made” and “brought (a female companion) to the man”.  Dating Tip #1:  Don’t obsess over trying to ATTRACT a companion (with appearance, charm, etc), but rather put your energy into becoming the PERSON God wants you to be and finding the PURPOSE He has for your life.  It’s easy to begin dating wrongly or prematurely desperate to attract a companion.  Instead trust, that at just the right time, God will provide just the right companion for your life.

God created man in need of HELP and woman to be a HELPER (Gen. 2:18) – A woman is man’s missing rib.  Guys, our attraction is a search for our missing “rib”.  Girls, your attraction is a search for the one who’s “rib” you possess.  Here’s a secret to finding someone even better than a “soulmate”, a “ribmate” . . . Dating Tip #2: Look for a companion who will HELP you become the person God wants you to be and fulfill the purpose He has for your lives TOGETHER.  Guys, being God’s person and fulfilling His purpose for your life by yourself is a lonely task.  Look for someone who can help you be the person God called you to be and to fulfill the purpose God has for your life.  Ladies, look for a man who you sense is the person God wants him to be and is living out a purpose in life that you want to help be a part of.  Marital companionship is not about our happiness, it’s about reflecting the image of God through relationship together (Eph. 5:22-33)!

God makes the perfect FIT to satisfy our loneliness (Gen. 2:18) – Puzzle pieces are all individually different and unique.  We can try to force puzzle pieces together that were not intended to go together or we can do the work of finding piece’s that, when they come together, fit perfectly.  Dating Tip #3: Don’t pursue a companion that matches your PREFERENCES, pursue a companion who COMPLEMENTS you.  The word “fit” in Hebrew means “opposite” or “counterpart”.  Male and female companions who complement one another are ones that when they are brought together complete and perfect one another.  When God brings a marriage companion to us we can trust that they will be a perfect “fit” for us (just like puzzle pieces made for one another)!

CONCLUSION
God created humanity as individual males and females with an inherent interest in the opposite gender and marital companionship.  By pursuing this relationship according to God’s design, we can experience right relationship with the opposite gender within marital companionship we are all so interested in finding!  Are you trying to satisfy your own loneliness or are you trusting God to satisfy your loneliness with companionship?