Forgive One Another

If we are in a car accident, we do not want to hear that our car has been totaled.  If a car is totaled it means that the cost of the repairs exceeds the value of the car.  A totaled car is no longer worth investing time or money, and therefore goes unrepaired, and is abandoned in a junkyard.  Sometimes we determine that a relationship has been totaled.  Someone lies to us and we feel like we can no longer trust them.  Someone is inconsiderate or ignores us enough times and we feel angry and bitter.  Someone is rude, cruel, or makes fun of us and we feel hatred toward them.  When someone offends, wrongs, or sins against us, we quickly develop an attitude of, “you owe me!”  The damage done to the relationship is costly and they are indebted to us.  When the hurt is so deep and the offense so great that they couldn’t pay us back if they tried, we consider the relationship totaled and the effort to repair it is beyond what it is worth!  Is there any hope for a relationship that has been totaled?

READ:  Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13

God has given us a relational “tool” to repair a totaled relationship, Godly Relational Characteristic #9: FORGIVE one another!  The greek word χαιρω, where we get the word “forgive” has a few other distinct meanings including “joy” (χαρα) and “grace” (χαρις). A primitive definition of forgiveness could be “to restore joy through grace”.  Forgiving one another in the context of Eph. 4:32 and Col. 3:13 means to, “bring joy by RELEASING another from the CONSEQUENCE of their offense”.  Forgiveness is the powerful relational tool that God has given us to use to repair “totaled” relationships!  Many of us never use this tool because it seems unfair, but if we can’t offer forgiveness to others, God will not offer it to us (Mt. 18:23-25; Lk. 6:37).

READ:  Luke 7:36-50

Forgiveness is offered FREELY by the one to whom a debt is owed (Lk. 7:41) – The moneylender in Jesus’ parable, rather than hold the debt above their head, chose to cancel the “debt of both” without expectation of any repayment since neither of them were able to pay.  Forgiveness is a gift of grace given by of the one who has been offended.  Forgiveness is not given because the debtor deserves it or has earned it, but a choice which communicates that love and joy in relationship are more important than being repaid a debt we are owed.

Forgiveness is CANCELLING a DEBT that cannot be REPAID (Lk. 7:42) – A denari was worth a little less than 2 days wages.  Therefore, 500 denarii was worth about 20 month’s wages and 50 denarii was worth about 2 months wages. In both cases, for whatever reason, the debtors were not able to repay what was owed.  Forgiveness needs to be extended to others in relationship whether the debt is great or small.  Therefore, forgiveness is not only a tool to repair relationships that have been totaled but to maintain relationships as well!

Forgiveness restores the joy of receiving and giving LOVE in a relationship (Lk. 7:44-46) – The sinful woman’s expression of love is an outpouring of gratitude as a result of her debt of sin being cancelled.  The debt of her sin locked her in a prison of guilt and shame, but once forgiven she was free to give and receive love in relationship with God again.  Others will sin against us, but we must not imprison them with unforgiveness.  By forgiving, we set others, and ourselves, free to express love and share joy in relationship once again.

CONCLUSION
We are all debtors to God with a bill we cannot pay.  Our unpaid debt of sin is deserving of God locking us in jail and throwing away the key for eternity.  The good news in Colossians 2:13 is that, “(we), who were dead in our trespasses . . ., God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross”.  Amazingly, God did MORE than cancel our debt and allow it to go unpaid, He paid the debt Himself by dying on the cross for our sin.  THIS is our example of how we are to forgive others, “as God in Christ forgave you”.  God willingly offers to bring joy back to our relationship with Him through Jesus Christ.

Bear With One Another

Have you ever noticed that some people are really hard to put up with?  There are an infinite number of things that we have to put up with in relationship with others . . . procrastination, negativity, overly optimistic, lateness, arrogance, self-centeredness, cockiness, talk too much, talk too little, workaholic, laziness, emotional, unemotional, temperamental, irresponsible, rude, mean, sarcastic, fake, grumpy, liar, cheater, dominant, tattle-tale, inflexible, different, etc.  There are times when these bad habits/attitudes, character flaws, and shortcomings in others drive us crazy!  Other people can be really hard to put up with.  But wait, did you notice any of those characteristics in yourself?  I am sure that you were already aware that YOU are really hard to put up with sometimes.  Being in relationship with others often involves putting up with others who do things differently, have a different personality, or have different opinions than we do.

READ:  Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13

Putting up with someone else and being put up with by others is living out Godly Relational Characteristic #8: BEAR with one another!  Bearing with one another in Eph. 4:2 and Col. 3:13 means to, “TOLERATE another through FRUSTRATION or OFFENSE”.  The greek word ανεχω, where we get the word “bear with” has a two primary meanings.  First, “bearing with” means to “hold up” or to “carry the weight of something”.  Therefore, in the context of relationship it means to be ready and willing to, “carry a load of relationship in our arms”.  A second meaning for “bearing with” is to, “hold back” or to “restrain”.  Again, in the context of relationship it means to, “prevent or withhold something”.  Not surprisingly, both of the ideas of “holding up” and “holding back” in relationship can be seen in God’s relationship with us.

READ:  Matthew 17:14-21

Bearing with others is ENDURING through DISCOURAGEMENT and DISAPPOINTMENT –Jesus verbalizes frustration with His disciples’ inability to heal a demon possessed epileptic because of their “little faith”.  After much time spent, teaching, and training, Jesus’ disciples were still not able to do this simple spiritual act of ministry.  In spite of Jesus’ frustration, He does not give up on His disciples, but rather “holds up” the relationship by performing the miracle Himself and reminding them of the faith required to heal. Relationships are filled with frustration.  These frustrating moments with others will cause us to want give up on them and quit.  But instead, in these moments, we are called to “hold up” and “carry” the relationship by enduring through the flaws and shortcomings of others.  Be strong, flex your God-given relational muscles, and don’t let the weight of discouragement and disappointment prevent you from carrying on!

READ:  Romans 2:1-4, 3:23-25

Bearing with others is RESTRAINING ourselves from JUDGMENT – God has restrained Himself from executing the judgment we deserve for the sin and wickedness that is in our lives.  In his “divine forbearance” He withholds the just punishment (death) we deserve for our sin.  If God did not restrain Himself, we would be eternally separated from relationship with Him.  In relationship, there will be those who offend and sin against us.  These moments of offense will cause us to want to render a guilty verdict in their life and condemn them to a relational “death penalty” which often means revenge, holding a grudge, or being bitter.  Instead, in these moments, we are called to “hold back” and “restrain” ourselves by withholding fair punishment or judgment.  Only God is in the position to judge others, we are to be slow to pass judgment when other sin against us!

CONCLUSION
Are you grateful that God is willing to put up with you?  It is God’s divine “putting up with” us that upholds, maintains, and sustains our ability to be (and stay) in relationship with Him!  If we’re grateful that God is willing to bear with us, maybe we should be more willing to bear with others in our lives!

Serve One Another

Carrying someone’s groceries. Preparing someone else’s meal.  Working to buy someone else’s things.  Watching someone else’s children.  Cleaning up someone else’s mess.  Washing someone else’s dishes.  Doing someone else’s laundry.  Picking up someone else’s toys.  Mowing someone else’s lawn.  Raking someone else’s leaves.  Helping with someone else’s homework.  Washing someone else’s car.  Shoveling someone else’s snow.  All of us have tasks that we are responsible for.  Most of us are willing to do the tasks we are responsible for, but very rarely are we willing to do someone else’s responsibilities.  When we get asked to do something for someone else our first attitude is probably something like, “why do I have to do that?”, “that’s not my responsibility?”, or “why don’t they do that for themselves?”  Sound familiar?

What many of us don’t realize is that by performing these tasks we are living out Godly Relational Characteristic #7: SERVE one another!  A servant is someone who, “does the work OF or FOR another”.  A servant is someone who does the jobs that others do not want to do.  A servant is someone who performs tasks at the request of another.  No one wants to be a servant.  Servanthood is not something that most of us wake up in the morning and look forward to doing.  And yet, servanthood is a godly relational quality that is prescribed by God for us to live out among others in our lives. What does it mean to serve others?  We are going to look at two passages of Scripture that help us understand what it means to be a servant . . .

READ:  Galatians 5:1, 13-15

Servanthood is ENSLAVING ourselves to LOVING others (Gal. 5:13) – A slave has no rights.  A slave does not make their own choices.  A slave is obligated to do their master’s will.  In the context of Paul explaining that a believer in Christ is free from the law and is not to, “submit again to a yoke of slavery” he tells the Galatians to use their new found freedom for the purpose of slavery.  What?  Where does he say that?  The word translated “serve” in Gal. 5:13 comes from the greek word δουλος, used in Gal. 5:1, which means “slave”.  Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Galatians were to use their freedom in Christ to “serve (enslave themselves to) one another” through love.  We who are free in Christ serve others by willingly enslaving ourselves to love them.  Ironically, through this paradox of being set free from the law and by serving others with love the, “whole law is fulfilled” (Lev. 19:18; Mt. 22:36-40; Lk. 6:27-36; Rom. 13:8-10; Jms. 2:8).  Choosing to enslave ourselves to the unconditional love of others is only possible for those who have experienced being set free from the law, sin and death by faith in Jesus Christ!

READ:  1 Peter 4:7-11

Servanthood is using our God given GIFTS for the BLESSING and BENEFIT of others (1 Pet. 4:10) – Whether we realize it or not, we all have spiritual gifts, talents, and abilities given to us by God (Rom. 12:5-8; 1 Cor. 12:4-11).  These gifts are not to be used selfishly to benefit ourselves, but to “serve one another”.  The word translated “serve” here comes from the greek word “διακονος” which means to, “serve”, “help”, or “attend to the needs of others”.  This same word is used to describe the role of deacon in a local church (1 Tim. 3:8-13).  Whatever gift we have, whether speaking, serving, teaching, exhortation, contributing, leading, mercy, etc, we are to use it to bless others and benefit them that God may be glorified!  When it comes right down to it, our lives are to be used for the purpose of blessing and benefiting others.

CONCLUSION
In helping His disciples understand what it means to be great, Jesus said in Matthew 20:26-28, “whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”  According to Jesus’ words and example, greatness is achieved through servanthood.  We can choose greatness by enslaving ourselves to love and by using our gifts to bless and for the benefit of others . . . just like Jesus did!

Submit To One Another

“Sir, Yes Sir!”  When I think of the military the image that comes to mind is a superior officer standing nose to nose with a lower ranking officer and screaming orders.  Before a command is even given, a lower ranking officer already has their response memorized and ready, “Sir, yes Sir!”  Whether this stereotypical image is true in the military or not, it definitely represents an attitude necessary in the military where the demands of someone in higher rank are unconditionally carried out by someone of lower rank.  Lower ranking officers by default have an attitude of submission toward higher ranking officers because of their rank.  Submission of lower ranking officers is necessary on the battlefield in order to keep troops organized and working together as a unit.  Without troops’ submission, a battle would quickly deteriorate into chaos and disorder.  

READ:  Ephesians 5:15-21

In verse 21 Paul tells us who are to be our “superior officers”, Godly Relational Characteristic #6: SUBMIT to one another! The word submit comes from the combination of a preposition and a verb which together mean, “to arrange under”, or “to order under”. This word is used in the military to describe the role of a lower ranking officer in relation to a superior officer. In the context of Ephesians 5 submission is, “willingly placing ourselves under the authority of another”. God has established “rank” in a number of relational contexts.  For example, in marriage, “wives (are to) submit to (their) husbands” (Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1), in an organized country, “every person (is) to be subject to the governing authorities” (Rom. 13:1; 1 Pet. 2:13-14), in a work context, “servants (are to) be subject to (their) masters” (1 Pet. 2:18), and in a church those who are, “younger (are to) be subject to the elders” (1 Pet. 5:8). While submission designates the lower ranking persons’ role as the follower, it also designates the role of the superior ranking person as the leader.  In relationship, we are not to designate ourselves as the leader. We are to willingly defer the role of leadership to others! This means we do not demand or insist on our will or wants, but rather submit to the will and wants of others. Relationship can truly be enjoyed when submission is mutually shared with one another! Why are we to submit to others?

Submission is a WORTHY way to LIVE our lives (Eph. 4:1, 17; 5:2, 8, 15) – Four times, starting in Ephesians 4:1 through Ephesians 5:8, Paul emphasizes the importance of the “worthy manner” a believer in Christ is to walk (lives their life).  In Ephesians 5:15, after already listing multiple ways to live in a worthy manner, he reinforces with them for a fifth time to, “look carefully how you walk”.  In this concluding section, Paul includes, “submitting to one another” as one of the primary ways we can live in a worthy manner.  Paul could not have emphasized any stronger, . . . submission is a worthy way to live life as a believer in Christ!

Submission is an act of WISDOM and not FOOLISHNESS (Eph. 5:15-17) – In the past I’ve defined wisdom as “knowing and living life according to God’s ways”.  How we live our lives is important.  In the evil times that we live in it is especially important for us to be wise and not foolishly ignorant of the way(s) God wants us to live life.  Very simply, being submissive to others is wise (living according to God’s way) and demanding others follow us is foolish.  Submitting to one another is one subtle, yet worthy way we can shine the light of the gospel with our lives!

Submission is act of REVERENCE for Christ (Eph. 5:21) – We do not submit ourselves to others because they have earned it.  We do not submit ourselves to others because we know they will not abuse it.  We submit to others out of a deep respect and awe of Jesus Christ!  No one is ultimately deserving of our submission, but Jesus Christ is.  While we are submitting to others, we must not focus on our “superior’s” treatment of us, but on Jesus Christ and how deserving He is of our full allegiance and obedience.

CONCLUSION

Who is the leader in your life?  James 4:7 says, “submit yourselves therefore to God”.  Submission to others starts with a life submitted completely to God.  Without an attitude of “Sir, Yes Sir” toward God, we will never understand what it means to submit ourselves to others.  

Encourage One Another

Derek Redmond ran the 400m dash in the 1992 Barcelona Olympics Games. Derek is known for the semi-final race where only 175m from the finish line his hamstring snapped. He hobbled to a halt and fell to the ground in pain. Stretcher bearers made their way over to him, but Redmond decided he wanted to finish the race. He began to hobble along the track. The most inspirational part of the race was when his father Jim, who had come from the top row of the stadium, barged past security onto the track to help his son. Derek finished the race with the help of his father while leaning on his shoulder for support and saying “I’m here son, we’ll finish together”. In a moment of deep physical pain and sorrow, Jim encouraged His son on to the finish line!

READ:  1 Thessalonians 4:13-5:11; Hebrews 10:19-25

In these passages we are given a way to inspire one another during times of difficulty and pain, Godly Relational Characteristic #5: ENCOURAGE to one another!  The word encourage is a compound word meaning, “to calling alongside” or “to call near”.  An encourager is someone who, “comes alongside another to inspire HOPE or offer COMFORT”.  Encouragement is helping others see beyond their circumstances and providing strength when they have none of their own.  What are some ways that we can encourage one another?

Encourage one another with the future HOPE of the COMING of CHRIST (1 Thes. 4:13-18) – Life is a grueling marathon that is full of many blessings and joys but also many trials and difficulties, and at the end of the marathon . . . death.  Sounds dismal, but it is true.  For many this reality is crushing to their spirit.  And yet, for a believer, death is not the end and does not have to empty us of joy and hope.  In his crescendo for the hope of the resurrection in 1 Corinthians 15:55-56 Paul says, “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? . . . thanks be to God, who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ”.  Why does Paul say this?  Because death is not the end, Jesus “died and rose again” and we too will rise to “meet the Lord” and “always be with (Him)”.  It is this fact that the Thessalonians to encourage one another with.  Death is not the end, the reality of the resurrection and the return of Christ must be victorious over the sadness associated with death!

Encourage one another that our SALVATION prepares us for the coming of Christ (1 Thes. 5:1-11) – If we were aware that a thief was going to break into our house sometime in the next week we would do whatever was necessary to prepare.  Although the timing of our death or Christ’s coming are uncertain, we can be prepared because He has told us it was coming.  It is our salvation that prepares us for death or the coming of Christ!  Jesus “died for us” that we might be prepared for our death.  Our salvation is like leaving the light on the front porch of our lives waiting expectantly for Christ to come.  Is the light of salvation on in your life?

Encourage one another to be CONFIDENT in the blood of Jesus (Heb. 10:19-25) – Giving in to the temptation of sin, not having our prayers answered, enduring trials or suffering,  it doesn’t take much for us to doubt our salvation or to waver in our faith.  Our source of “confidence”, our “full assurance”, the “confession of hope that we hold fast to” can only be found in in one place . . . the “blood of Jesus”.  In spite of our unfaithfulness toward God, He is faithful to us.  When others are hobbling through life, questioning whether they will cross the finish line, we must encourage them that Jesus’ sacrifice for their sins is their only hope.   

CONCLUSION

We all need someone to encourage us in life.  Someone who, when we are going through a difficult time, will come alongside of us and inspire hope and offer comfort.  In John 16:7 Jesus said, “if I do not go away, the Helper (the Holy Spirit) will not come to you”.  Jesus calls the Holy Spirit a Helper.  The word translated “Helper” is the noun form of the verb Paul uses to instruct believers to “encourage” one another.  Therefore, the Holy Spirit is ultimately the One comes alongside and encourages us!  Like Jim Redmond encouraged His son across the finish line in a moment of pain and sadness, the Holy Spirit encourages us as we run the race of life . . . giving us the perfect example of how we should encourage one another. 

Do Good To One Another

We’ve all seen a movie where the villain plants a “time bomb” and the hero must find it and disarm it before it blows up.  Ticking time bombs are dangerous.  Ticking time bombs need to be defused before they explode and do immense damage and destruction.  Whether we realize it or not we deal with ticking time bombs in relationships every day.  Time bombs are planted in relationships when we do something evil to another person or another person does something evil to us.  Evil in relationships manifests itself in varying degrees of being selfish, rude, unkind, malicious, showing favoritism, jealous, or hateful etc.  Unless these relational “time bombs” are defused they are going to explode and cause serious damage or permanently destroy a relationship.  So, how are we to defuse hostility and restore peace in relationships?

READ:  1 Thessalonians 5:12-22

Paul gives us a way to defuse relational “time bombs” in vs 15, Godly Relational Characteristic #4: Do GOOD to one another!  The word good means that which is, “excellent, fine, or good.”  To do good is to, “treat others in a way that is for their BENEFIT”.  In Luke 18:19 Jesus gives us the standard of goodness saying, “why do you call me good?  No one is good except God alone”.  God’s relational character is to be our standard of goodness.  God is our example of treating others in a way that is for their benefit including being selfless, kind, merciful, and loving, etc. Why is doing good an important relational characteristic?  When are we to do good to others?

Doing good is an act that promotes PEACE (1 Thes. 5:13) – Rather than planting “time bombs” of evil in relationships with others, Paul commands the Thessalonians to, “be at peace” among one another.  Peace is a relational attitude between two individuals which is absent of hostility or animosity.  Paul said something similar in Romans 12:18, “if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all”.  Therefore, one of our highest relational goals as believers should be to behave in ways which uphold and maintain peace in each and every relationship that we are in!

Doing good is to be our RESPONSE toward those who have done EVIL to us (1 Thes. 5:15a) – Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it is inevitable that others will plant evil “time bombs” in their relationship with us (just like it is inevitable that we will plant evil “time bombs” in our relationships with others).  Our response to the evil done to us will determine whether we experience peace or hostility.  If we return evil for the evil done to us, we detonate the relational “time bomb” and peace in the relationship will be lost causing it to explode into greater hostility.  Whereas, doing good is a godly alternative to “repaying . . . evil for evil” and will quickly defuse hostility in the relationship and bring about peace.  In Romans 12:17, 21 Paul says, “repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable . . . overcome evil with good” (cf Lk 6:35).  Vengeance in relationships only increases hostility, whereas doing good increases peace!

Doing good is what we should ALWAYS seek in our relationship with EVERYONE (1 Thes. 5:15b) – Since doing good is such an evil defuser, Paul says that it is something that we should pursue all the time with all people!  Doing good is something we are to seek diligently and pursue with intense effort.  Doing good is something we are to do “always” toward “everyone”.  So, no matter what evil anyone ever says or does to us, “as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone” (Gal. 6:10).  This supernatural amount of goodness is only possible with the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through our lives (Galatians 5:22-23).

CONCLUSION
Jesus Christ defused the hostility that our sin caused between us and God by dying on the cross for our sins.  Jesus Christ chose to do something for our benefit in spite of the evil we did toward Him.  If we have been the recipients of the goodness of God through Jesus Christ, then we should know how to treat others in a way that is for their benefit whether we feel like they deserve it or not!

Humility Toward One Another

Everyone takes the time to get dressed and put on clothes for the day.  For some, choosing and putting on clothing is an extremely important and purposeful process that includes style, color, and accessories.  For others, like myself, choosing what to clothe themselves with does not take up much time or attention.  No matter what our style or whether we have any fashion sense at all, no one would consider going into public and relating with others without properly clothing themselves.  Whether important or not, we all manage to clothe ourselves each and every day.  Putting on clothes is a natural, normal, routine, every day, all the time, without exception, part of our lives.  With this thought in mind, let me share a third godly relational characteristic . . .

READ:  1 Peter 5:5-11

In vs 5 Peter gives us Godly Relational Characteristic # 3: Clothe yourselves with HUMILITY toward one another!  The word humility means, “to lower, to lay flat, to make small/insignificant, to place under.”  Therefore, HUMILITY is an “attitude where we consider ourselves lower, under, and below all others”.  In Colossians 3:12 along with other relational characteristics Paul says to “put on . . . humility”.  In Philippians 2:3 Paul develops the definition of humility a little further by saying, “in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Humility, considering others more important than us, is to be as natural, normal, routine, every day, all the time part of our lives as putting on clothes for the day.  Why is humility such an important relational characteristic for us to put on every day?  

There is an important REASON to humble ourselves: God OPPOSES the proud but gives GRACE to the humble (1 Peter 5:5) – Pride and arrogance are not just unbecoming characteristics.  God is violently against those who exalt themselves and lift themselves above others.  Proverbs 16:18 says, “pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”  There are dangerous consequences for those who relate with others in a prideful manner. In contrast, those who humble themselves in relation to others receive favor and kindness from God (James 4:6; Prov. 3:34, 11:2, 29:23)!

There is an important REQUIREMENT to humble ourselves: We must humble ourselves before GOD (1 Peter 5:6a) – If we do not willingly humble ourselves before God, He will do it for us.  At the conclusion of a parable contrasting pride and humility in Luke 14:9-11 Jesus says, “everyone who exalts himself will be humbled.”  We must be willing to humble ourselves before God.  Humility before God means living with the attitude that He is above us and we are below Him.  By placing ourselves under the mighty hand of God we are submitting to His authority and acknowledging that His plan and purpose for our lives is better than our own.  Humility is a more than a suggestion but a necessary attitude in order to be in right relationship with God and others.  Humility toward God paves the way for us to be able to humble ourselves in relationship with others.  

There is an important REWARD for humbling ourselves: God EXALTS the humble (1 Peter 5:6b) – In God’s economy, relating with God and others with a humble attitude is deserving of exaltation and honor!  Although in Luke 14:9-11 Jesus says those who exalt themselves will be humbled, He goes on to say that, “he who humbles himself will be exalted.”  Exaltation is given, not taken.  There is a day when those who humble themselves will be exalted.  By choosing to humble ourselves in our relationship with God and others we will be exalted, but it won’t be us doing it for ourselves, it will be God doing it for us (Mt. 23:12)!

CONCLUSION

Interacting with people with an attitude of pride and humility makes a huge difference in relationships.  With an attitude of pride we selfishly lift ourselves above others, with an attitude of humility we selflessly lower ourselves below others.  Which attitude do you clothe yourself with as you begin each day?  We are to wear humility all day long, no matter who we meet!  Begin your descent to humility by humbly placing yourself under the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ and receiving Him as your Savior.